A Professional Dabbler: Deconstructed

In the middle of a busy week, I sit and ponder one of life's big questions. Well, at least one of MY life's big questions: am I spending my time doing what I really want to be doing? And what do I really want to do?

Do I want to be a professional musician?

• I have a gig tomorrow night with my sister as The Hello Strangers in Gettysburg. Luckily people like the way we sound since we have no posters, sound equipment, or any recordings beyond a 6-song demo to speak of. We have other gigs coming up that have been falling into our laps without any effort (which is good). But at what point are we going to take the next step? Or are we going to stay in this liminal pseudo phase forever?

Do I want to be a writer?

• I will be teaching at a Young Writers Camp in two weeks, which I have to plan for and convince these young middle school souls that I have some sort of legitimacy under my belt. I have thus put my writing for Hagerstown Magazine on hold for the time being. But yet I dabble...dabble, dabble in writing like everything else it seems.

Do I want to help run the photography business my husband and I own?

• I'm not the photographer - that's Ryan. But I do help out in many other areas such as accounting, production, creative input, etc. Yet, most of the time I am rushing through tasks at my desk before I run off to...

My part-time job at a screen printing and embroidery shop downtown, where I continue to show off my dabbling skills, doing anything from packing and hauling boxes, to ordering t-shirts and promotional products, to designing art on Adobe Illustrator.

Some days I just don't feel like a true musician, writer, business owner - a true anything.

Some days I feel like a fraud, really. We all have these days, don't we? Don't worry, I'm not falling into a pit of self-loathing and despair. Some days are just primed for such reflections.

I know there is a reason why I'm a professional freelancer and dabbler. I enjoy not having to do the same thing every day. But as a true perfectionist, I certainly reach moments when I feel like I have to do everything 100% with a 50% timeframe, energy, and focus level. At what point am I dabbling in too much?

Ah, life's big questions...

One thing I DO love doing: dancing with my girlfriends at Lithuanian Hall in Baltimore to old school soul and reggae!





It's summer, man, I gotta chill!

Confessions of an Overachiever

I have officially stretched myself to the max. After all my musings about time management, saying "no" to certain obligations, and balance, I have gone against all my suggestions and am thus at my tipping point.

How did I lose the balance in my life and time that I was so close to attaining? When I said "yes" to not 1, but 4 new voice students at our local private school. I feel I am a talented musician, but am not prepared to share my knowledge with four students. I currently have 3 different sources of income. Taking on 4 students seemed the best way to make extra money. But because I am essentially teaching myself how to teach others, I realized (last night in a moment of terror at the realization of what I have gotten myself into) that this would be a much larger endeavor than the amount of money I will be paid for it.

How do I know I am stretched? Because I have noticed a significant change in the way I complete other tasks and projects (such as writing in this blog). I am not able to put as much effort into just one thing because I have so many other projects going on at the same time. I freelance write, volunteer for our local arts council, help my husband run his business, work for a screen printing and embroidery shop downtown, and now have taken 4 voice students.

I fill my time with all these things for two main reasons:
1) Money - we are working hard at making our photography business succeed and I am trying to take every measure to help supplement our income.
2) Fear (here's the clincher) - fear of not being important because of having too much time on my hands or not accomplishing enough.

I thought I was making headway in the way of #2, but I realized last night that, almost without knowing it, I surpassed the boundary of what is "enough" for me and my time. I am confessing this to you this morning because I have to face my mistake today and make the necessary arrangements to bring my list of students down to 1. This is the amount I know I can handle with grace and focus. This is the balance mark.

I will learn from my mistakes and move on to a more balanced life.

We all have our tipping points and our balance marks. Have you had a similar experience to this one?

Update on Time and Priorities

Hello dear friends,

I have been feeling quite successful at focusing on my Life Priorities that I mentioned in a previous post. I have been focusing more on my music and creativity, which has been very rewarding. My sister and I have been working on our musical repertoire with a great guitarist friend, and I am in the process of taking a few voice students. Making time for creativity fills me with energy and fosters a sense of purpose in my life. I have also been busy with the Arts Council, as well as writing for Hagerstown Magazine. All of these creative endeavors give me joy and a sense of accomplishment. For example, all day Monday I visited with several artists in the area for a Hagerstown Magazine article. Ryan and I were assigned to the same article, so he took the photos while I interviewed the artists, all of various mediums and ages. We made some wonderful connections, and on top of that were able to share the experience together.

Of course, making room for certain priorities inevitably involves putting others on the back burner, and I am trying hard not to dwell on those or feel guilty. I have had less time to focus on my blog, but I am still committed to the Good Life Project and all my loyal readers, whomever and wherever you are.


Do give me a shout out, if you so desire, and let me know what you have been ruminating or prioritizing on!

Top 5 Good Life Priorities

In my post "Time on my Side, Part 2," my great friend Laura left a fantastic comment listing her priorities in life. Her time is spent mostly on these priorities and everything else falls into the "I'll do it if I can" category. I think this is a great way to think about time allocation. She suggested I make a list of my top 5 priorities and focus on them above all else. So here goes:

Larissa's Top 5 Good Life Priorities:
(In no particular order)

1. Personal Connections (with humans and animals)
   
2. Music, Art, and Creativity
   
3. Good health through wholesome food and exercise
   
4. Learning and Discovery
   
5. An uncrowded schedule and living space that encourage peace of mind

These are, of course, subject to change with my ideals and moods. But I think they create a good groundwork for my goal to reevaluate my relationship with time. This project has been ongoing and I continue to make advances; I think my list will be another great step in the process.

I encourage you to make your own list (even if it's just in your head), and as things come along in your schedule, evaluate whether or not that activity falls into your top 5 priorities.

Let me know how it goes!